Friday, December 30, 2005

What The &%*$ Are We Playing With ???



It was the week after Christmas and all were glad,
Little Tommy had received a $400 X-box 'cause he wasn't bad
What did little Susie get?
She was so exited she got the bed wet
Little Susie had done no wrong
but was disappointed when her Bratz was wearing a thong

What The &%*$ Are We Playing With ???
All around the world young disappointed girls open their Bratz dolls to find that these dolls wear thongs. A mom in Louisville, Kentucky is joining many other parents around the nation in speaking out against MGA Entertainment's Baby Bratz. The doll line is composed of baby girls who look like they just walked off the set of a Christina Aguilera video. Stacie Bostic is particularly upset over the model her daughter purchased, which came with a pair of underwear that, uh, left little to the imagination. The company called the infant thong a "manufacturing error". There's an error here, all right - but I think it occurred months before this abomination went to manufacturing.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Santa Claus Exposé Part1: Who is Santa Claus? Is He Naughty or Nice


Who is Santa Claus? Is he a jolly fellow who bring presents to good little children or is he the cruel dictator of the North Pole. Thoughout the years people have been fooled, thinking that the fat old guy was sweet and nice, but in reality Santa is a mean old man, exploiting poor elves, beating and cheating on his wife, and hunting deer out of season to pull his sleigh.

In 1613 Santa became the dictator of the Republic of the North Pole. Under his evil regime all magical creatures would work under his supervision in his workshop. To keep his loyal subjects happy he would give gifts to their children once a year on Christmas Eve. These gifts were not free though, parents would have to allow Santa to monitor their children 24/7 to see in they were Naughty or Nice.

Through magic and cosmetic surgery Santa has lived more than 300 years, and has played an important role in many of the millenniums key events. In early 1900's Santa played an important role in the first World War, as Russia's #1 weapon provider. Santa also offered spy units that would infiltrate the U.S. and other countries at war during Christmas.

In 1941 as World War II began Santa played a strong role once again, this time not only this he strongly support Russia, but eventually gave into Stalin's Communist ideology, which later contributed to his strong participation during the cold war. During the space race it was Santa's sled technology that got Yuri Gagarin into space. After the Death of Communism Santa tried to change his image from European Hero to American SuperStar in hopes of winning the American's love and eventually plans to change the U.S. constitution to run for U.S. president as early as 2012.

Santa Claus Exposé Part:2 Mistress Claus




Who is Mrs. Claus?

If you consider Santa a great man, then Mrs. Claus is the great woman behind him. Ivanna Uge Knoockers, Mrs. Claus maiden name, married Santa in 1823. This was during the "Great Santa scandal" when the villagers of Camposlovania accused Santa of homosexuality, under the Charge of spending to much time with little green men and little boys. Mrs. Claus was a Camposlovakian noblewoman and was forced to marry Santa as the king's reponse to the accusations made by his villagers. Santa at the time was 245 years while Ivanna was only 20.

The only condition the king gave was that after three years of marrige he expected a grandchild to take his trone. Santa, who at the time was very busy in his toy business, could not provide the king with a child. Instead of delivering a baby on the date set Santa planted a bomb and destroyed Camposlovakia, the richest kingdom ever of the face of the earth, to avoid embarasment.

During this period Mrs. Claus started drinking heavilly and it is even rumored that she would force elves into her room to fill in the needs her husband negected. In 1845 Mrs. Claus was admitted into a Drug Reabilitation Clinic after found overdosed on the floor of Santa's workshop. While in the clinic Ivanna fell in love with her male nurse Jingle Balls. When Santa found out his wife affair he became a ruthless sex addict and is rumored to have had over 300 helpers from 1846 to 1920. Brothels all over the world had him as their favorite client it is even rumored that he would have three parterners at once. When he was asked how many girls he wanted he would say HO HO HO, to indicate he wanted three girls.

Many wonder how it was that during this period Santa found his new libido. Was it his jealousy, or maybe Viagra. The truth is that he would eat reindeer testicles an aphrodisac know for its powerfull sex powers.

Mrs. Claus eventually returned to her husband and beged for forgiveness and became the CEO of Santa's Workshop while he spent most of his time spying on naughty little girls.

In 1933 Mrs. Claus saved Santa's Workshop from bankruptcy by stealing two/thirds of the U.S. money, this of course resulted in the famous "Great Depresion". Mrs. Claus eventually broke up with her lover Jingle, then changed his name to Adolf, Adolf Hittler. As revenge Jongles started a war and attacked Santa's partner Russia, which later resulted in his demisse.

Mrs. Claus last known activities include runing Santa's Workshop, monotoring stocks, shuting down elf unions and cloning reindeer to avoid hunting out of season.

Santa Claus Exposé Part3: Santa's Army


Many claim China has the largest army and the U.S. is proud to say they have the best, in reality Santa, dictator of the North Pole has the largest and best militia under his power. 300 tanks, 300,000,000,000 soldier elves, 900 reindeer, 400,000 naughty helpers, and an unlimited source of magic make Santa the most dangerous man on earth.

Why does Santa need such a large army?
Over his 300 years of reign Santa has gained many enemies. In 1789 Napoleon attacked Santa's Workshop, the excuse he gave the church for attacking a saint was that he had been wrongly placed on the naughty list as a child. In 1942 Hittler bombed the North Pole town of Luislovenia, his claim was that Santa was a traitor to Europe. Many more including Ghandi, Bin Landen, and the Easter Bunny are know for being Anti-Santa. Santa claims his large army is needed because of the large list of enemies he has know as the Naughty or Nice list.

Santa Claus Exposé Part4: the USSR ( Unknown Santa and Stalin's Relatinship )


Santa may have had many enemies but during 1920-1989, Santa gained his greatest ally. Although Stalin's communist theories prohibited Religion he still aloud Santa to give "presents" to the little boys of his country. It is said that as a boy Stalin received a big gift from Santa. Stalin was just 10 years but that didn't matter to Santa as he proceeded to give the gift of "love".

During the years of World War II Santa strongly sided with the U.S.S.R. especially because of his rivalry with Hitler. Santa gave an unlimited supply of weapons and vehicles to Stalin while Stalin provided 300 of Russia's most beautiful mistress for Santa to enjoy... (HO HO HOs)

As the "Space Race" Santa gave Stalin his Sleigh technology to allow the U.S.S.R. to send Yuri Gagarin to space. It is said that Santa continued his strong bond with Russia until the "death" of communism in Russia, He then paid millions to change his image from European Saint and Hero to American SuperStar.

Santa Claus Exposé Part5: From Europe's Saint to America's SuperStar


Towards the end of the Cold War Santa paid 30 million dollars to change his image from Europe's Saint to America's SuperStar. It was during these years that he changed his name from Saint Nicholas to Santa Claus and started to appear in American movies from Miracle on Third Street to Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer and even countless Coca Cola commercials. This sudden change of image came from his decision to change the U.S. constitution to allow himself to run for U.S. president.

Santa's ultimate goal is to rule the world and to make all nice and naughty girls sit on his lap.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Christmas Cheer



It's been a very life changing year and each day I feel as if was changing, becoming more mature and stuff... But what strikes me the most is that for the first time in my life I don't care about Christmas. I found out a long time that Santa didn't exist, but there was still a bit of Chrismas cheer inside me, but this year nothing.

Each year I would ask my parents for something, but this year I don't want anything. Perhalps its because pretty soon I'll be moving to college and I don't want any more junk I can't take along or maybe I've just become a grinch .

Christmas sux in my opinion,it's just a sceme companies have created to rob people blind of their money. Whatever happened to love and peace on earth for the holidays.

The Left Rules Part1: The Myths



For thousands of years, the Devil has been associated with the left hand in various ways and is normally portrayed as being left-handed in pictures and other images. In the seventeenth century it was thought that the Devil baptised his followers with his left-hand and there are many references in superstitions to the "left-hand side" being associated with evil. As an example, in France it was held that witches greet Satan "avec le bras gauche" or with the left hand. It is also considered that we can only see ghosts if we look over our left shoulder and that the Devil watches us over the left shoulder.

Evil spirits lurk over the left shoulder - throw salt over this shoulder to ward them off. In Roman times, salt was a very valuable commodity, giving rise to the word "salary" and was considered a form of money at the time. If salt was spilled, that was considered very bad luck, that could only be avoided by throwing some of the spilled salt over your left shoulder to placate the devil.

Getting out of bed with the left foot first means that you will have a bad day and be bad tempered . i.e. getting out of bed the wrong side.

A ringing in the right ear means that someone is praising you. In the left ear it means that someone is cursing or maligning you.

An itchy right palm means that you will receive money. An itchy left palm means you will have to give money.

Wedding rings worn on the third finger of the left hand originated with the Greeks and Romans, who wore them to fend of evil associated with the left-hand

The Romans originally considered the left to be the lucky side and used for augury. However, they later changed back to the Greek methods and favoured the right-hand side.

The Meru people of Kenya believed that the left-hand of their holy man has such evil power that he had to keep it hidden for the safety of others.

If your right eye twitches you will see a friend, if it's your left eye that twitches you'll see an enemy.

When dressmaking it's believed to be bad luck to sew the left-hand sleeve onto a garment before the right sleeve.

When leaving to go on a journey, if your right foot itches you're bound to have a good journey. If your left foot itches it will end in sorrow.

It is thought to be bad luck to pass a drink to another person with your left-hand or anti-clockwise around a table.

Anyone who digs coal out of the ground from under his or her left foot in the Spring will have very good luck.

If you apply an ointment with the forefinger of the right hand the sore will not heal. This is because this finger is said to be the 'poison' finger.

The ancient Zuni tribe considered left-handedness a sign of good luck. They believed the left was the older and wiser

Passing or pouring wine with the left hand leads to bad luck.

A left-handed toast is tantamount to a curse on the victim.

Driving on the left - started so that horse riders could use their whips in the right-hand to fend off other road users

The Left Rules Part2: Religion




Christianity is strongly based towards the right hand. It is the right had that gives the blessing and make the sign of the cross.

On one count, the bible contains over 100 favourable reference to the right-hand and 25 unfavourable references to the left-hand. E.g.: The right hand of the lord doeth valiantly, the right hand of the lord is exalted (Psalm 118 vv15,16)

The left hand does worst in the parable of the sheep and goats. The sheep are set on Christ's right hand and the goats on the left. Those on the right inherit the kingdom of god while those on the let depart into everlasting fire.

The situation is much the same in Judaism and Islam. In Islam, the left hand and everything associated with it is seen as unclean. This stems from the Middle Eastern custom of using the left-hand and water instead of toilet paper.

The Left Rules Part3: Devil and the Left



Devils are often associated with the left. One common superstition, still quite commonly exists today, is that it is unlucky to spill salt. However, one is supposed to take a bit of the spilled salt with one's right hand and throw it over his/her left shoulder to "offset" the bad luck. The reason, as many of you should know, is to try to throw the salt in the devil's face who is lurking over the left side of the body.

Why is left related to devils and the evil? Although the common name for devil, Satan, has no relation with "left" in Hebrew, the Talmud (a collection of oral laws of the Jews with explanations) says that there was a chief adversary (or "Chief of Satans") who ultimately became the Prince of Demons. Samael, the name of the adversary, is clearly related to se'mol, the Hebrew word for "the left side". This is believed to be the origin of referring "left" as evil. Interestingly, since people believe that the left side is evil, they would logically conclude that all evil acts are done with the left hand as well -- hence the Devil and the Chief of Satans must be left-handed. One should have noticed that all of Christian rituals are done with the right hand.

The Left Rules? Part4: Creative Genius From The Left




Some of history's most creative minds have been left-handed: Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Ludwig van Beethoven, Benjamin Franklin, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin ,and Albert Einstein.

"Why are the "lefties" so creative?", many ask. The fact is that lefties aren't only left-handed they are also "left-minded" Those who are belong to the "right" are said to be conservationist and more close-minded, the left, has always been open, willing to think outside the box. Left-handed people's brains control the side of the brain that controls artistic and open-minded thinking, this may be a possible explanation as to why lefties are known for being creative.

Many righties are known for their jealousy and claim that they have plenty of creative minds of their own, but Lefties can easily argue that they have the best of the best. Not only do lefties have creative minds on their side but what are some of the most talented people in their fields. In Music Lefties have the minds of Beethoven, Paul McCartney, and Jimi Hendrix. In science Lefties can claim Benjamin Franklin, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin ,and Albert Einstein. In the arts the great Renaissance painters Michelangelo, Raphael,and Leonardo da Vinci. In sports Larry Bird, Reggie Jackson,Fernando Valenzuela,and Babe Ruth where all lefties. In History Joan of Arc,Ramses II, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Napoléon Bonaparte, Fidel Castro, David Rockefeller, and Ronald Reagan were leff-handed as well. In literature H.G. Wells and Mark Twain where left-handed. In entertainment Jay Leno, Matt Groening, Bart Simpson, and Charlie Chaplin are all left-handed. Left-handed people can even be proud to say that the most famous serial killers Jack-the-Ripper and the Boston Strangler (Albert Henry DeSalvo) where left-handed as well

Monday, December 05, 2005

Homeland Screw-ety


I've heard of this homeland security thing where the government is searching all over the "net" for key words such as: Bomb, Nuclear, Bin Laden, Saddam, kill, president, government, terrorist, Al Qaeda, Allah, Holy War, ect... This made me think are they searching everywhere? Even my own harmless blog? So I have decided to test the American Government by writting as followed using the words above: With Nuclear Bombs I will kill the Book Club President of America AlQaeda is a cool word, like Bin Laden or Saddam. Terrorist are cool "Holy War ,Batman" said Robin, as Allah destroyed the Government. I wonder if the government will read the crap stated above and decifer it's meaning HA HA HA!!!!