Santa Claus Exposé Part:2 Mistress Claus

Who is Mrs. Claus?

If you consider Santa a great man, then Mrs. Claus is the great woman behind him. Ivanna Uge Knoockers, Mrs. Claus maiden name, married Santa in 1823. This was during the "Great Santa scandal" when the villagers of Camposlovania accused Santa of homosexuality, under the Charge of spending to much time with little green men and little boys. Mrs. Claus was a Camposlovakian noblewoman and was forced to marry Santa as the king's reponse to the accusations made by his villagers. Santa at the time was 245 years while Ivanna was only 20.

The only condition the king gave was that after three years of marrige he expected a grandchild to take his trone. Santa, who at the time was very busy in his toy business, could not provide the king with a child. Instead of delivering a baby on the date set Santa planted a bomb and destroyed Camposlovakia, the richest kingdom ever of the face of the earth, to avoid embarasment.

During this period Mrs. Claus started drinking heavilly and it is even rumored that she would force elves into her room to fill in the needs her husband negected. In 1845 Mrs. Claus was admitted into a Drug Reabilitation Clinic after found overdosed on the floor of Santa's workshop. While in the clinic Ivanna fell in love with her male nurse Jingle Balls. When Santa found out his wife affair he became a ruthless sex addict and is rumored to have had over 300 helpers from 1846 to 1920. Brothels all over the world had him as their favorite client it is even rumored that he would have three parterners at once. When he was asked how many girls he wanted he would say HO HO HO, to indicate he wanted three girls.

Many wonder how it was that during this period Santa found his new libido. Was it his jealousy, or maybe Viagra. The truth is that he would eat reindeer testicles an aphrodisac know for its powerfull sex powers.

Mrs. Claus eventually returned to her husband and beged for forgiveness and became the CEO of Santa's Workshop while he spent most of his time spying on naughty little girls.

In 1933 Mrs. Claus saved Santa's Workshop from bankruptcy by stealing two/thirds of the U.S. money, this of course resulted in the famous "Great Depresion". Mrs. Claus eventually broke up with her lover Jingle, then changed his name to Adolf, Adolf Hittler. As revenge Jongles started a war and attacked Santa's partner Russia, which later resulted in his demisse.

Mrs. Claus last known activities include runing Santa's Workshop, monotoring stocks, shuting down elf unions and cloning reindeer to avoid hunting out of season.